The inevitable progress

Doing simple things thing seems to leave me feeling exhausted and no physical energy.

Exhausted, burnout

Exhausted, burnout

Hole in my energy tank Why do I leak energy so easily? Any little job leaves me wanting to sit down Not only is it so tiring doing anything remotely active and now it takes me so much longer. I hear my mobile phone ring in another room and its a lurching stagger as I try to get to it before it stops ringing.

One two, ever so slow

Going upstairs, I go up one step with my right foot then bring my left foot up to be on the same step as my right foot. It is very unlikely for me to have the strength to lift left foot up onto a step ahead of my right foot. I also need to use the banisters on the wall as well as the ones on the stairs. In case you are wondering coming down stairs is painfully slow.

Difficult jobs

It is a major mission to get something out of the bottom drawer of the freezer in the kitchen. I must open the door then I usually get into a kneeling position, remember to turn off my FES and then pull open the freezer drawer. When I have found what I want getting back up onto my feet is another massive struggle. I used to be able to do the whole exercise standing on my feet, the inevitable progress of multiple sclerosis.

If I am going to move anything then I must use my rollator to carry whatever it is. I must hold onto something, inevitably my rollator, if I want to move around and not fall over or even just to stand up and not wobble.

Am I lucky?

I keep on telling myself I’m lucky. I’ve got SPMS and I do not need a wheelchair just yet. That does not stop my thighs hurting if I have been standing up for more than a few minutes. I can get up from a chair and get from one side of the room to the other but I only manage this by furniture walking, using a stick or my rollator.

Ten years ago

I had an independent life. I was allowed to drive. Walking upstairs was not a problem and I could even do it carrying a cup of tea each hand. The progress of MS has been mercifully slow but there is an inevitability about it. Year on year there is the relentless progression. No evidence of any change over a month but annually the progression can be seen.

Some of the problems

I have learnt to live with double vision but it does not stop me being envious of people who can drive. My Travelscoot gives me valuable independence but I must always remember to charge the battery. Mental agility and speed of thought are a victim of MS. I must get back into the habit of doing an occasional Su Doku, take my time and don’t make any silly mistakes. I must not moan, there are so many MSers who are worse off than me. Just go to the MS Therapy centre at Halton and see them in a wheelchair, totally dependent upon a carer or their partner.

Yes I am lucky

I do not always feel lucky. Sometimes I just want to find a quiet corner and cry. It is then that I’m too tired to smile. More important, there is no one around to share the smile and help me to banish the blues of MS. I still have some independence, that is the straw that I cling on to and it keeps me sane.

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