Blogger’s block or possibly bored with lock down
20-June 2020 It’s been over 3 months since we were all catapulted onto a different planet. My day-to-day existence rules change every day. You as well? Subtle changes every day. Surely me, a person disabled by multiple sclerosis, should have no problem finding topics to write on and post them on my website. Nope its a total failure, I’m suffering bloggers block and I am I am bored with lock down.
So much confusion
Am I two metres apart from everyone else? Should I be wearing a face mask? So many new rules and everybody is reading from a different hymn sheet. Now I’m also ravaged by bloggers block. The moment I sit in front of a keyboard, woosh, the ideas evaporate, my imagination is obliterated. This different ‘new life’ is profoundly boring because I’m not meeting people.
Life was so busy
In the good old days, before Covid19 lockdown I regularly travelled on public transport. My life included trips to London to visit theatres and museums. Even dining out in restaurants is off the menu. Instad its a take away.
I prefer real hard-core face to face conversations. Sometimes we even shook hands. Now its all virtual using Zoom, not the same and its bloody boring,
If an artist represented my life today there would not be many images on the canvas. Just the house and me doing sitting down gardening or cooking. Maybe a short walk with my 4 wheeled walker. I make an occasional foray into town to visit the bakers for bread and check out the supermarket. This new life arrived so suddenly.
Bored with lock down
Should I blame it all on my multiple sclerosis? I did not receive a ‘text of doom’ telling me to avoid other people and not to leave the house. In some ways I suppose I am lucky, live in a terraced house with a garden. None the less the lack of action and meeting other people grinds me down.
A shocking memory is yet another MS problem. At night after turning off the bedside light and before falling into a deep slumber my brain falls into a glorious state of semi consciousness. My mind glides over my meagre activities during the day, assembling ideas and resolving problems. When it comes to parking them safely in my memory, I am fast asleep and my addled brain decides saving these images isn’t worth the effort. The next morning it is too late to recollect them.
My motivation has gone AWOL. I want to do anything apart from nothing. I flit from one activity to another. The desire to do anything but the essential has completely disappeared.
Is this the solution?
I called my brother today. “Get back to your electronic keyboard and start practising again” he told me. I also baked a cake today and it looks very edible. Project ‘Banish Apathy’ has begun and already I feel happier. My problem is realising that I’m pissed off. Next is the easy bit, finding someone who can supply the tonic and get me going again. Now I’m a happy bunny and not bored with lock down.
Staring Into Space
Imagine life without multiple sclerosis
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