Imagine life without multiple sclerosis
Sometimes I like to play a simple mental game. Picture myself going up a flight of stairs. Maybe I can see myself walking to the shops and then carry the shopping back home. Drive the car instead of using the bus. I can still visualize myself striding out for a walk with the dog, not a care in the world.
Imagine life without multiple sclerosis
Nowadays these are all pipedreams. I am no shirker but at the same time I am unemployable. Twelve years ago I was a happy computer geek working on back office banking systems in Europe. Not worried about paying the mortgage or making contributions to my pension. I used to catch the first flight at 6 on Monday morning and fly back on the Friday evening. I was a free spirit.
One day in 1995
A consultant diagnosed me with MS. He was unimpressive and he did not impress me. I had never heard the words ‘MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS’ before and little did I know that eighteen years later I would be on the scrap heap of employment, medically retired. Now I am dependent upon my DLA and ESA benefit money. Mortgage still has to be paid off so MrsB works. I do persevere and try to imagine life without multiple sclerosis.
After diagnosis we moved house and I asked for a health insurance quote. The underwriter muttered “you have an incurable disease” and ran for cover.
Do I worry?
It’s far too late to worry about what might have happened. I do realise that people would much rather talk to me if I look happy, so I do. Who wants to have a conversation with a miserable looking person? No I’m not unhappy but at the same time it would be fair to say that I could be much happier. Nonetheless I have learned to look forwards and be positive. I avoid thinking negative thoughts.
Since medical retirement
I have learnt to run this website. People ask me to give talks on subjects that interest me. Repeat business does occur so I cannot be that dreadful. I give occasional talks about my condition and occasionally help with interviews and research. I have absolutely no regrets taking medical retirement from the corporate world of computers and back office banking in 2012.
Under my own terms
The only boss now is MrsB and we manage. A good understanding of each other’s skills is essential. These are strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Is this SWOT analysis? I’ve gained new skills, developed weaknesses, look for opportunities though they are rare and I ignore threats.
Imagine life without multiple sclerosis
Life could be easier but who knows. Some other accident could have happened that could have put me in a much more perilous state. I have learnt to be happy with my lot.
Tell me how you park your condition.
March 2017
Thanks for sharing, it’s good to know I’m not alone. Most of the time I’m just getting on with my new normal but every now and then I think ‘oh yeah I used to be able to do that’!
Hello Natalie,
As well as losing the abillity to do something I’m gaining hew skills, like fallimg over and not hurting myself. You’ve gotta be positive
You match me with this, I dream I’m normal again (I have TM) Since 2005 I accept things could be worse and of course sometimes I am really p**ss** off with everything but I think it important to remember what we used to be able to do otherwise our past was all for nought.
Hekko Peter,
Yup, I agree but it is important to look forward to the future otherwise …
Hello Mark,
I really used to struggle. There were too many problems then I had Botox injections. A huge elephant left the room and I regained some control over my life. None the less MS is still there.