She’s gone

My ability to get up and go, where has it gone?

That’s something I used to take for granted. There is something I used tol take for granted –  it is something called balance. The loss of it has a profound affect on everything I do. Do you know that walking is 80% balance? So much of what I do involves walking. I’m sure its the same for you as well

She’s gone

 She’s gone, she’s gone Oh I, oh I I better learn how to face it She’s gone, she’s gone Oh I, oh I I’d pay the devil to replace her She’s gone, and she’s gone Oh I, what went wrong? *

As a student I really enjoyed listening to the record Abandoned Luncheonette. I think the title track sums up my feelings and problems. I am always learning new ways of coping without my balance. It is so central to everything we do. What’s worse, it will never come back?

 Can you?

• Put two chairs at right angles to each other. Can you sit on one chair, stand up, and then sit down on the other chair?
• Can you bend over and put a bowl of water on the ground?
• Carry a bag of shopping up half a dozen steps.
• Take a pullover off while standing up.
• Walk in a straight line by putting one foot immediately in front of the other (the old drink-driving test).

I can’t

I can’t do any of these without taking my time and thinking very carefully. Such simple things, you don’t give them a moment’s thought. I didn’t until recently. Wonderful weather this weekend. Ever optimistic we decided to have a BBQ. I prepared the marinades for the meat, made the garlic butter, even swept the kitchen floor but I daren’t cook food on the barbecue. I could so easily lose my balance and fall over the hot charcoal – what a waste of meat! I’m lucky, my friends understand. In fact the process has been so slow and gradual that I doubt if they have even noticed the transition. They are certainly too polite to make an issue about it.

I have discovered new abilities

It breaks my heart, it’ll never come back. Now I will never be a real free spirit. I have lost some physical abilities but I have discovered new abilities. I have realised that I can talk in public without breaking into a cold sweat. I can string a few sentences together and write a bit of prose. Multiple sclerosis has taken away many things but I’ve been lucky, I have made a new life. In many ways I don’t want my previous life back. There are some losses that are hard to accept and I never saw them coming. Balance is definitely one of them. * Abandoned Luncheonette “She’s Gone” Daryl Hall.

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