A Big Decision

A big decision

What next? a big decision for me

Its February 2012, the wife and I now realize I can no longer do any more computer consultancy work. It is full time or not at all in the work I do

So that door has closed

Does this mean retirement? Yes to computer consultancy, now I can put all my energy and time into my new website www.aid4disabled.com. Retirement has been on the cards for the last 18 months. It was an inevitability, but still difficult to make.

Computers have been my working life for the last 30 years. I do not want to wave goodbye to that career or consign it to room 101. No it’s the bloody MS that has closed that chapter of my life.

MS has taken away so much of my life

I can’t walk the dogs, I’m not allowed to drive, I can’t drink much, I can no longer run up and down the stairs, I can’t nip into a shop. I could list masses more things MS has stopped me doing but I won’t bore you. What will be the next part of my life that this disease will claim?

What’s next?

The thought of having to use a wheelchair, being totally dependent upon it, that truly horrifies me. Maybe there will be a steep decline in my cognitive skills. It could even be my vision. It becomes double only when I am tired but who is to say that it won’t suddenly get worse.

The worst thing for me

Without a doubt it is the gradual decline or erosion of my physical abilities. I cannot see a change over a short period of time; it is when I look back at what I could do this time last year. What’s the next thing that I will not be able to do? Can I see it coming? It’s the realization that a change has happened. Sometimes I kid myself it’s a dream and I will wake up…damn it, I’m still here.

Aha but there is a positive side

As a result of the MS I realize that I have gained a few new skills that are beneficial. The biggest one; I now see the world through different eyes, I now believe I’m a more caring and sympathetic person. The other big thing is that I have set-up this website. It all started from a casual conversation in the summer of 2011. I really enjoy seeing it grow and evolve. Where will it be in 6 months’ time, two years? I have no idea.

New dawn

As they say, when one door closes then another one opens. Will this website be the opening of a new door?

2 responses to “A Big Decision”

  1. Patrick says:

    Hello Kate,
    Many many doors have closed for me expecially at work bwhen MS was having an obvious affect upon me. People saw me having to use use walking sticks, having to squint through one eye at work or even falling over.in an office corridor because od my squiffy balance. The toast did land sticky side down rather too often. But in the case of the website it looks like its sticky side up.
    Yes there are lots of obstacles but generally people want to help.
    Good luck
    Patrick

  2. Kate Presneill says:

    I too have secondary progressive multiple sclerosis.
    Although I try to keep myself busy I find doors closing not opening. The world feels full of obstacles and a reliance on others.

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